The Beginner’s Guide to Setting Boundaries: Holiday Edition
As we get into the holidays, many people are going to struggle with reconnecting. For one, we are still reeling from the past 18 months of a global pandemic. For another, some of us have massively changed over that time. We are not the same people we were in early 2020. For some pandemic babies, this will be their first holiday with so many other people.
So, if you are reconnecting this holiday, I hope that we all treat each other like pandemic babies: give us time, give us space, and let us get used to new changes.
However, there will always be people who don’t understand that.
Here is how to set personal boundaries for the holidays:
Tip #1: Communicate. Communicating is the barest minimum amount of effort you need to put forth. If a family member invites you over, and you don’t want to go, say no. Respond quickly and directly. No ambiguity allowed. I even wrote a letter to help with this exact situation. If you want to go, and the time is available to you, say yes. For next-level reconnections, ask the host if there is anything you can bring. If they request something, make sure to follow through. If they don’t, then do not second guess them. They said no.
Hosts: If someone asks you if they can bring something, please tell them exactly what they can bring. If you say no, and they don’t get anything, it was because you said no. In general, people do not like performing mental jumping jacks to spend an evening outside their home.
Tip #2: Decide ahead of time what topics of conversation are off the table to you, and make a three-strike plan if those topics come up. The first strike lets the person know that you don’t want to talk about that topic. If they press (strike two), explain that by pressing, they are disrespecting your wishes. If it continues, then strike three is “you’re out.” You do not want to be in a place where people will blatantly disrespect you, so leave, and let the person who invited you know what happened. Make sure you have a friend or roommate or a friendly barista you can see or speak to immediately afterward. Of course, you’ll feel angry. Let yourself feel that way, but do not pursue a course of action that you will regret later. Instead, do some burpees, go for a walk, or meditate alone for five minutes.
Tip #3: Take this time to reflect on your feelings towards yourself. Are you happy with your life? Are there changes that you would like to make? Do you know anyone who could help you? Will you be seeing them this holiday season, and do you have the humility within you to ask for help? If you do not reflect on your mindset, you will project your hidden feelings onto others, which will skew your entire holiday experience. Not to mention your life.
Strength is being accountable for your actions, so make sure you establish your boundaries early. If you feel you are in danger of breaking your character, you have permission to leave the situation.
